Solitude is not Loneliness. Why Kids Need Time Alone
Solitude: Teaching Children to Trust Their Own Thoughts and Feelings In a world filled with constant distractions, from the buzz of notifications to the pull of screens, the idea of solitude can feel foreign. For children growing up in this environment, the ability to spend time alone—and enjoy it—is a skill that often goes overlooked. Yet, solitude is where children learn to trust their own thoughts and feelings, a foundation for emotional resilience and self-confidence. The Growing Need for Solitude in Today’s World Renowned social psychologist Jonathan Haidt has shed light on the link between modern technology, anxiety, and depression, particularly among young people. Studies show that constant connectivity and over-stimulation can lead to feelings of isolation and social anxiety, rather than connection. As children and teens become increasingly reliant on their digital devices for social interactions, the simple act of solitude has become both rare and vital. Solitude is not just a break from the noise—it’s where children can find clarity, learn self-reliance, and foster a sense of inner peace. The Power of Solitude Solitude is not loneliness. It is a deliberate space where children can pause, reflect, and grow. In these moments of quiet, children process their experiences, explore their imagination, and begin to understand their emotions. Solitude teaches them to listen to their inner voice, to make sense of the world around them, and to develop a sense of self that isn’t dependent on external validation. When children learn to embrace solitude, they also learn to: Build Emotional Awareness: Time alone allows children to sit with their feelings, understand them, and work through them without immediate distractions. Foster Creativity: Solitude creates room for imagination to flourish, whether it’s inventing stories, building with blocks, or exploring nature. Develop Problem-Solving Skills: Without the input of others, children can tackle challenges independently, building confidence in their ability to think critically. Creating Opportunities for Solitude As parents, encouraging moments of solitude doesn’t mean isolating children. It means creating opportunities where they can explore their inner world in a safe and nurturing environment. Here’s how: Model Solitude: Children often mimic what they see. Show them that you value time alone by setting aside moments for quiet reflection, reading, or creative pursuits. Encourage Independent Activities: Provide your child with activities that encourage self-sufficiency and imagination, such as drawing, journaling, or building with LEGO. Limit Constant Connectivity: Create tech-free zones or times in your home to reduce distractions and allow children’s minds to wander and settle. Celebrate Boredom: When children say they’re bored, resist the urge to fill the silence. Boredom is often the gateway to creativity and self-discovery. Practical Ways for Parents to Teach Solitude to Kids Create a Solitude Corner: Designate a cosy spot in your home where your child can retreat for quiet activities like reading or drawing. Stock it with calming items like pillows, books, or art supplies. Practice Mindful Moments Together: Introduce short, shared moments of mindfulness, such as deep breathing exercises or silent observation of nature, to show them the value of being still. Set Daily Quiet Time: Establish a routine where everyone in the household spends 10-15 minutes on individual quiet activities. This normalises solitude as part of daily life. Encourage Journalling: Provide your child with a notebook to write or draw their thoughts and feelings. Journalling helps them process emotions and builds self-awareness. Limit Over-Scheduling: Ensure your child has unstructured time in their day to explore their own interests or simply relax without external pressures. Ask Reflective Questions: After a moment of solitude, ask your child how they felt or what they thought about. This helps them articulate and appreciate their inner experiences. The Benefits Over Time Children who are comfortable with solitude grow into adults who are self-assured, emotionally intelligent, and empathetic. They’ve learned to pause, reflect, and act thoughtfully—skills that are increasingly rare in today’s fast-paced world. They approach relationships with authenticity, knowing their own worth and respecting the individuality of others. Solitude is where children learn to trust their own thoughts and feelings. It’s where they discover who they are, away from the noise of the outside world. As parents, fostering this skill is one of the greatest gifts we can give—preparing them not just to face the world but to thrive in it, guided by their inner compass.
Smartphones vs. Social Media: What Every Parent Needs to Know
Credit: Freepik I’ve been really pondering the distinctions and listening to the debates around giving children smartphones versus access to social media. Smartphones vs. Social Media: Understanding the Debate for Parents In today’s digital age, one of the most critical decisions parents face is when—or even if—to give their child a smartphone. Layered within that decision is an equally pressing, yet distinct question: when should a child be allowed to access social media? While these two steps might seem intrinsically linked, they represent different milestones with unique implications. Here I explore the ongoing debate and provide insights to help you navigate these decisions for yourself. The Smartphone: A Gateway, Not Necessarily a Destination A smartphone is, at its core, a tool. It offers practical benefits such as staying in touch with family, accessing educational resources, and navigating the world through apps like maps or calendars. For many parents, the primary appeal of a smartphone is safety—being able to reach their child anytime and equipping them with the means to call for help in emergencies. However, smartphones are also gateways to the broader digital ecosystem, including social media, gaming, and online content. Giving a child a smartphone or a smart watch without social media can be a measured step. It allows them to familiarise themselves with technology, learn digital responsibility, and establish boundaries for screen time. Parents can leverage parental controls and monitoring apps to ensure the device remains a tool rather than a source of distraction or harm. Social Media: A Different Set of Challenges Social media, by contrast, introduces a host of psychological, social, and emotional complexities. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat are designed to captivate and engage users, often encouraging comparisons, fostering fear of missing out (FOMO), and exposing young minds to unfiltered content. Studies have linked early exposure to social media with increased risks of anxiety, depression, and issues surrounding self-esteem. Social media opens the door to interactions with strangers, cyberbullying, and exposure to inappropriate material. Unlike the controlled environment of a smartphone used for communication and learning, social media is a less predictable, more volatile space. This distinction makes the timing of social media access a critical decision separate from the question of smartphone ownership. The Debate Among Parents and Experts The debate often hinges on whether these decisions should be separated or treated as a package deal. Some argue that giving a child a smartphone without access to social media is a sensible compromise—a way to provide independence while safeguarding their mental health. Others contend that once a smartphone is in a child’s hands, social media access is inevitable, making strict controls unrealistic. Digital parenting experts generally advocate for delaying both smartphone and social media access. Organisations like Smartphone Free Childhood & Wait Until 8th encourage parents to postpone smartphone use until at least 14, emphasising the importance of peer support in this decision. Similarly, many experts recommend waiting until a child is at least 13—the minimum age for most social media platforms—and even then, only under careful supervision. Australia has announced plans to ban children under the age of 16 from accessing social media platforms, including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter). Prime Minister Anthony Albanese emphasised the move as a response to concerns about the negative effects of social media on children’s well-being. The world is watching how they implement the ban. I am not a fan of banning things – if I’m on a diet I immediately want to eat cake 😊 but I support a ban on social media use until 16 as it allows children to mature and prepares them to handle the challenges of digital spaces responsibly. Critics of such bans often advocate for alternative measures like better parental controls or education, but a strict ban eliminates ambiguity, placing the responsibility on platforms rather than families. Yes, kids will try and get round it, and some will, but it sends a clear message to kids that adults think social media isn’t good for them and it makes life so much easier for parents having to put up with all the begging, whining, sighing and tantrums! The policy sends a clear message: adults care more about children’s well-being than letting social media companies rake in millions. We ban children from alcohol and smoking because these substances harm their developing bodies and minds, increase the risk of addiction, and pose long-term health consequences. The same logic applies to social media, which research shows can negatively impact mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, and addictive behaviours. Early exposure to social media also heightens risks like cyberbullying, exposure to harmful content, and unhealthy comparisons. Just as alcohol and smoking laws send a clear message that these activities are unsafe for minors, a social media ban until 16 would prioritise children’s well-being over corporate profits, allowing them to grow emotionally and cognitively before facing the pressures of digital platforms. Credit: Freepik Navigating the Grey Area For parents, the path forward involves understanding their child’s maturity level and needs. Here are some strategies to consider: Define Clear Boundaries: If a smartphone is introduced early, set clear rules about what it can and cannot be used for. Consider devices like “dumb phones” or kids’ smartwatches that allow communication without internet access. Use Parental Controls: Modern smartphones offer robust parental control features to limit app downloads, manage screen time, and monitor activity. Start Conversations Early: Discuss the pros and cons of social media before your child expresses interest. Teach them about online safety, privacy, and the curated nature of social media content. Delay Social Media Access: Even if your child has a smartphone, hold off on introducing social media. Encourage offline hobbies and face-to-face interactions as alternatives. Model Healthy Behaviour: Children learn from observing their parents. Demonstrate balanced tech use and a healthy relationship with social media. There’s a distinction between giving a child a smartphone and granting access to social media and I think it is an important one. Giving a child a