From Toddlers to Teens: How to Say No to Smartphones with Confidence

Saying “NO” to your kids with confidence ! Saying “No” to your kids is such a simple word but so many parents find it difficult to incorporate it into their discipline strategies – it’s about feeling confident in your own ability as a parent so then the ability to say “no” becomes a powerful behaviour shaping tool in your parenting toolkit! Parents often find it hard to say “No” to their kids and there are many reasons for this. One of the reasons is shortage of time. We all seem to be in such a hurry these days. It’s so much easier to give in and buy whatever it is your child wants, rather than to spend time explaining why you won’t buy it or spend time dealing with their sulks when they don’t get it. But is that the message you want your child to grow up expecting? Another reason is being afraid of causing a scene. I know it’s easier, to wander around the supermarket with a happy and quiet child who is tucking into their sweets or crisps, rather than dragging a screaming child round while you attempt to do your shopping! But personally I think you can make looking for Postman Pat spaghetti hoops quite exciting, and getting your child involved in helping you look for the butter or helping you to weigh the grapes can be good practical experience and fun! It’s how you approach it. Try making the whole experience a game and see how creative you can be – get your child to join in not whine – get them engaged. Another reason is all the resources available to us nowadays .When your child asks for a treat you may think “Well it’s only 80p so it won’t break the bank” and I know we do seem to have more disposable cash splashing about today than perhaps when we were growing up, and many parents don’t think twice about spending it all on their children, but is that a good message to be sending out to your children? You can have anything you want? My job is not to judge what you do but to get you be clear about what you want and how you want to bring up your children. Perhaps the approach of giving in to everything is easier in the short term but is it easier in the long term? Is it  creating a child who will have totally unrealistic expectations of you and the world – and will they will expect to get everything they want. Is that realistic or desirable? Is it creating a Paris Hilton? You can be sure that their requests will get bigger and more expensive as they become aware of all the goodies out there. It’s sweets today, Nike trainers and Gucci purses next!! Tell me about it …. I’ve had a 15 year old daughter!!!! While you may enjoy indulging your child’s wishes, the world just isn’t like that and your child may be in for a rude awakening when they encounter the many situations in the real world where they actually can’t have what they want. I think it helps if you think of it as your job to preparing them for life with its ups and downs and disappointments. I just wonder if another message you are sending out is that “It really doesn’t matter how you treat your things – you can always get more” Children who constantly get new toys and treats too easily learn not to value their things, because they know that they will always be replaced. They lose their sense of awe and wonder for new things if they are continually showered with gifts. It all comes too easily. So their expectations become inflated and they have no sense of gratitude or value for any of the gifts or treats they receive. I remember my own Mum getting cross with my kids at Christmas a few years ago, as they were so overwhelmed by the amount of presents they received from both sets of Grandparents that they became nonchalant and blasé and she felt they didn’t appreciate what they had and just ripped the paper off, moving too quickly onto the next present. Perhaps the message your child receives is “I can’t give you much time but I can give you lots of ‘things” If this is the message your child is receiving don’t be surprised if they don’t place any value on these things or show any gratitude at getting all this stuff. ‘Things’ just cannot replace your time. If children do not get the attention and input from you, among other things, they do not develop a sense of their worth. They may feel they are not worth spending time with. So you might be showering your child with gifts, but actually their self esteem might be diminishing as their stack of toys and “stuff”  piles up. Now there’s a thought!!! Let’s look at treats and the message we sometimes send out with those…. “If you get upset, don’t worry we’ll get you a little treat” The child who always receives a treat when they start to cry and shout or get hurt is learning a dangerous lesson. Other children and the outside world will not be as generous as you. So just ask yourself…. How will my child cope as an adult in a world where they most definitely won’t always get their way? It’s all a balance between “yes” and “no,” and it takes practise if you are new to saying “No” and taking a harder line. So start practising saying “no” to requests for things like sweets, toys and treats from time to time so you keep them for special occasions when your child will value them much more. Initially it may be difficult as your toddler or teen may have trouble believing that you really mean” no,” because in the past this wasn’t the case. They will probably throw

Addicted to Screens, Rushed into Love: The Smartphone Dilemma for Parents of Teens

I was 15 when I first fell in love. I sat on the hand accidentally of Tom in ‘The Cat’s Whisker’s’ in Streatham watching Tina Charles sing her UK no. 1 hit “I Love to Love (But My Baby Loves to Dance)” in 1976. It was a friendship that lasted 30 years. When I was 15 and in love, relationships felt simpler and slower. Love notes were carefully handwritten, phone calls were cherished moments, and meeting up in person was the highlight of any day. There was a thrill in waiting—waiting for a reply, waiting to see someone, and waiting to truly connect. Today, love moves at the speed of a text. Smartphones have brought constant communication, instant gratification, and, sometimes, an overwhelming sense of urgency. The mystery and anticipation that once defined young love have been replaced by emojis, DMs, and the pressure of constant availability. While technology has its benefits, it has undoubtedly changed the pace, depth, and experience of falling in love. Parents often come to me feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and at their wits’ end, especially when it comes to their teen kids and the challenges of navigating the digital world. One particular family stands out—a Mum and Dad desperate to understand why their once-outgoing son had become withdrawn, irritable, and glued to his phone. They described escalating arguments over screen time, failed attempts to enforce limits, and a growing fear that they were losing him to a virtual world they didn’t fully understand. Their worries ran deeper than just phone addiction; they feared for his mental health, academic performance, and social connections. Sitting with them, I could feel their love and genuine concern, but also their uncertainty about how to reconnect with their son without pushing him further away. It was clear they needed guidance, reassurance, and practical tools to rebuild their relationship and help him find balance in his digital life. Talking to a 15-year-old boy about phone addiction requires sensitivity, understanding, and a collaborative approach that respects his growing independence while addressing genuine concerns. Parents often find themselves walking a fine line between guiding their teens and avoiding confrontation. It’s essential to recognise that for many teens, their phones are more than just devices—they’re social lifelines, sources of entertainment, and even places of self-expression. By opening the conversation in a non-judgmental way, actively listening to his perspective, and working together to find solutions, parents can foster trust and encourage healthier habits. This approach not only addresses the immediate issue of phone use but also strengthens the parent-teen relationship for future challenges. I started off our coaching sessions talking about how to set the scene without creating immediate hostility with their son. 1. Set the Right Tone 2. Start with Empathy 3. Use Facts, Not Fear 4. Involve Him in Problem-Solving 5. Be a Role Model 6. Offer Support, Not Control 7. Celebrate Progress By showing empathy, collaborating on solutions, and maintaining open communication, parents can help their teens reflect on their phone use and develop healthier habits. Here are some coaching questions to ask your teenager about phone addiction, designed to foster reflection and problem-solving: Explore Awareness Uncover Motivations Address Challenges Collaborate on Solutions Reflect on Progress These questions aim to shift the focus from blame or control to self-awareness and empowerment, helping him take ownership of his phone habits. If you’d like to work personally 1-2-1 with me as a family get in touch for a Power Hour

Why Calling Them ‘Dumb Phones’ Won’t Win Kids Over!

Why Calling Dumb Phones Isn’t a Compelling Message to Kids Wanting Smartphones In today’s digital age, smartphones have become a central part of life for both adults and children alike. For kids, owning a smartphone isn’t just about having a device to communicate—it’s about being connected to friends, having access to entertainment, and feeling included in the social fabric of their peer groups. As more parents look for alternatives to smartphones to delay their children’s screen exposure, “dumb phones” have emerged as a popular option. However, calling them “dumb phones” may be one of the least effective ways to encourage kids to embrace these devices. Here’s why. 1. The Negative Connotation Let’s start with the obvious: the term “dumb phone” is inherently negative. It suggests the device is inferior, lacking, and outdated compared to its “smart” counterpart. For kids, who are often more focused on social status and fitting in, branding a phone as “dumb” can make it feel like a punishment rather than a positive choice. The comparison to smartphones only reinforces the idea that a child with a dumb phone is missing out. When kids hear that they’re getting a “dumb phone,” they can feel like they’re being denied the same opportunities for entertainment and connection that their peers enjoy. The term simply doesn’t resonate with kids who value being part of the digital conversation. 2. It Undermines the Benefits Calling these devices “dumb phones” reduces the conversation to what they don’t do, rather than highlighting what they can do. While it’s true that basic phones lack the flashy apps, games, and constant notifications of smartphones, that doesn’t mean they have no value. In fact, they offer important benefits that are easily overshadowed by the negative label. For example, these phones allow kids to communicate with parents and friends without the distractions that come with smartphones. They promote independence, responsibility, and focus. Instead of framing them as “dumb,” the messaging should focus on how these devices give kids freedom—freedom from social media pressures, cyberbullying, and the addictive nature of constant screen time. By shifting the focus to what kids gain with these devices—such as more time for real-world activities, improved focus on schoolwork, and fewer online distractions—the narrative becomes more compelling. 3. It Misses the Cool Factor Smartphones are appealing to kids because they’re seen as cool, trendy, and social. They come with a sense of status, allowing kids to participate in group chats, social media, and online games. Calling a basic phone “dumb” completely misses this cultural component. If parents want their kids to feel good about using a phone that’s simpler, they need to highlight its cool factor, not downplay it. Kids respond better to messaging that frames these phones as giving them control and independence rather than framing them as something outdated or less desirable. Positioning these devices as tools for young people who are confident, focused, and don’t need to follow every trend can help make them more appealing. 4. Peer Pressure Plays a Huge Role Another reason why the “dumb phone” label doesn’t work is because of the intense pressure kids feel to fit in with their peers. In many cases, kids want a smartphone not because they need one, but because their friends have one. Being part of group chats, sharing memes, or staying connected on social media can be essential to feeling included. When a child is given a phone that’s labeled as “dumb,” they may feel left out or embarrassed. This feeling of exclusion can actually drive kids to rebel against the idea of a basic phone even more. Instead of positioning it as a lesser device, it’s important to frame the decision as empowering—a choice that puts them in control of their digital habits and shows they’re mature enough to handle the responsibility. 5. Messaging Matters: Focus on Benefits, Not Limits So, how do you make the idea of a basic phone more appealing to kids who want smartphones? The answer lies in the messaging. Instead of focusing on what the phone doesn’t have, the conversation should focus on what it does offer—autonomy, balance, and freedom from digital distractions. Here are some positive angles to consider: Conclusion: A New Way Forward The term “dumb phone” not only fails to resonate with kids but also reinforces the very reasons why they want smartphones in the first place—connection, status, and the fear of missing out. By rethinking how we frame basic phones and focusing on the real benefits they offer, parents can make these devices a much more compelling option for children. Instead of labeling them as “dumb,” let’s empower kids to make choices that help them stay balanced, focused, and in control of their digital lives.