Behind the Selfie: How Boys Shape Girls’ Social Media Struggles and Self-Esteem
While much of the conversation rightly focuses on the pressure social media puts on girls, it’s crucial not to leave boys out of the picture — because they’re not just observers, they’re part of the digital ecosystem too. 👀 Boys are watching, liking, sharing, commenting. They’re often the audience for the content girls post — and their reactions can either fuel the pressure or help change the culture. Boys can be both consumers and contributors to unrealistic standards and objectification online. 💬 What can we do as parents of boys? Teach empathy and media literacy earlyHelp boys understand how social media can distort reality — not just for them, but for their female peers. Talk about filters, likes, influencers, and how curated it all is. “Do you think that post shows real life? What might be happening behind the scenes?” Talk about respect, consent, and kindness onlineThis includes how they talk about girls, how they respond to posts, and how they treat others in group chats or DMs. “How would you feel if someone said that about your sister or your friend?” Challenge “locker room” cultureHelp them question toxic norms like rating girls, sharing private images, or making appearance-based jokes. Boys often go along with this for approval — but they need to know it’s okay to step out. Encourage emotional expressionBoys also suffer in silence. They’re often told to “man up” or suppress feelings, which can lead to internalised pressure, shame, or unhealthy digital habits (e.g., hiding behind gaming or consuming harmful content). Create a home culture where talking about feelings — and respecting others’ — is normal and encouraged. Model what healthy masculinity looks likeLet them see dads, uncles, teachers, and male role models talk kindly about women, own their mistakes, and show emotional maturity. 💡 In Short:Boys play a crucial role in either reinforcing or reshaping the digital norms that hurt girls — and themselves. As parents, we can raise boys who are not just kind and confident, but also aware, compassionate, and brave enough to challenge the crowd.
Why Does Social Media Affect Girls More Than Boys?
I was sent in this great question from an attendee on my recent Behind the Selfie: Girls, Social Media, and Self-Esteem Struggles Power Hour Webinar Why does social media seem to affect girls more than boys, I’m aware that there are wider issues in society that contribute but I’m curious to learn more, and what can we do for younger girls of primary school age to help foster a positive self-image? This is such an important question and it’s great that this parent is looking at both the impact of social media and the wider societal context. Here’s a breakdown of why social media often affects girls more than boys, and what we can do to support younger girls in primary school: Why social media affects girls more than boys: What we can do for younger girls (primary school age): Start early with body-positive messagesFocus on what bodies can do rather than what they look like. Celebrate strength, movement, creativity, and kindness. Avoid making appearance-related comments, even positive ones, the main focus of praise. Model self-compassion and media literacyBe aware of how you speak about your own body or other people’s appearance around children. Talk about how images online are often filtered or staged — and not always real life. Praise effort and character over looksCompliment qualities like bravery, curiosity, helpfulness, resilience, or creativity — not just cuteness or prettiness. Diverse books, toys, and role modelsSurround them with stories and images that show girls as scientists, adventurers, artists, and athletes. Representation matters. Digital delay where possibleDelay the introduction of platforms that are heavy on appearance and peer feedback. Focus instead on creative, collaborative, or curiosity-based digital experiences. Encourage offline hobbies and passionsHelp girls find joy in sports, art, drama, reading, nature — things that build confidence and identity outside of screens. Create a space for open conversationAsk how they feel about what they see online. Validate their emotions and help them think critically about social media. Equip them with phrases like: “That’s not real life,” “My worth isn’t measured in likes,” or “I’m enough just as I am.” Raising girls in a digital world comes with unique challenges — but also powerful opportunities. By staying curious, setting thoughtful boundaries, and nurturing confidence early on, we can help our daughters grow up feeling seen, valued, and strong in who they are — both online and off. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect — just present. And every little conversation, limit, and moment of connection adds up. Let’s keep championing balance, self-worth, and empathy — one small step (and scroll) at a time.
How to Say “No” Without Being the Bad Guy: Navigating Social Media Rules With Your Daughter
I was sent in this great question from an attendee on my recent Behind the Selfie: Girls, Social Media, and Self-Esteem Struggles Power Hour Webinar It’s such a common and totally understandable feeling — no one wants to be the “fun sponge” parent, especially when it’s something their child loves, and all their friends are doing. But setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re the bad guy — it means you care. Here’s a way to reframe and respond: How to not be seen as the “bad guy” — and what to say: 1. Acknowledge her feelings first Start with empathy. Let her know you see her. Try saying: “I can see how much you love this, and I get that it feels unfair when your friends are allowed and you’re not.” This validates her without giving in. 2. Be open and honest about your reasoning Kids don’t need every detail, but they do appreciate being in the loop. Try: “My job is to look out for you, even when it’s hard. I’m not trying to stop you from having fun — I’m trying to make sure you’re safe and happy in the long run.” You can even admit it’s not always easy: “Honestly, I don’t like saying no to you. I know it’s tough.” 3. Shift from “no” to “not yet” or “let’s find a way together” It feels less like a brick wall and more like a conversation. Try: “I’m not saying never — just not right now. Let’s talk about what needs to be in place for me to feel more confident about it.” This could include things like maturity, safety settings, screen time limits, or emotional readiness. 4. Offer alternatives that still meet her need If she’s craving connection, creativity, or status — find other ways to support that. Example: “You love creating videos — maybe we could do something together with that offline or with a smaller group of friends in a safer space.” 5. Make it about values, not control Frame your parenting around values like confidence, self-respect, safety, and balance. Say: “I’m trying to help you become someone who’s strong, thoughtful, and true to herself — not just someone who follows the crowd.” 6. Play the long game They may roll their eyes now, but down the line, many kids say they respected the boundaries — especially when parents kept communication open and respectful. How to Say No Without Being the Villain For those moments when you’re setting a boundary, -and it feels like you’re crushing their world SCRIPTS 👂 Step 1: Acknowledge Their Feelings “I can tell this really matters to you. I know how much you enjoy it, and I get that it feels unfair when your friends are allowed and you’re not.” 🧠 Why? Validates their feelings, which builds trust and keeps the door open for conversation. 💬 Step 2: Be Honest About Your Reasoning “My job is to keep you safe and help you grow into someone confident and happy — even if that means making hard calls.” “I’m not saying no to hurt you. I’m doing it because I care more about you than what’s easy.” 🧠 Why? Kids are more likely to accept limits if they understand the “why.” 🕒 Step 3: Reframe It as “Not Yet” or “Let’s Explore Together” “I’m not saying never — just not yet. Let’s keep talking about this and work out what would help us both feel more comfortable.” “Maybe we can revisit this in a few months and see how things are going.” 🧠 Why? “Not yet” feels fairer and more hopeful than “no.” 🧩 Step 4: Offer an Alternative That Meets the Same Need If she’s drawn to connection → “What about inviting a few friends round instead this weekend? You could have a mini screen-free hangout or movie night.” If she’s feeling left out → “Let’s come up with something you can do that feels special and fun, just for you.” 🧠 Why? It shows you’re not trying to take away joy, just guiding it safely. 💖 Step 5: End With a Value-Based Statement “Our family values kindness, courage, and balance. I want you to grow up trusting your gut — not just going along with what everyone else is doing.” “Sometimes, saying no is part of helping you become the amazing person you’re meant to be.” 🧠 Why? Kids need to know there’s a bigger picture — and that they’re part of it.
What is Screen Time Costing our Children in the Early Years?
In a world where screens are everywhere—from smart TVs and tablets to phones in our pockets—it’s no surprise that even our youngest children are being drawn into the digital swirl. But as technology becomes more embedded in daily life, a growing body of research is urging us to pause and ask: What is screen time costing our children in the early years? Toddler tantrums & tech — what’s really going on? You’re in a café. Your toddler’s bored. You hand them your phone. Peace… for now. Sound familiar? In today’s digital world, more and more parents are turning to screens to soothe toddler meltdowns. But while it might feel like a lifeline in the moment, over time it can delay something far more important: your child’s ability to regulate emotions. Tantrums aren’t “bad behaviour.” They’re big feelings in little people who don’t yet have the words—or the tools—to cope. As a parenting expert, I help families shift from “Plug in and Pacify” to “Pause and Connect.” Here are 3 quick tips to help your toddler learn emotional resilience—without always reaching for tech: Name it to tame it – “You’re feeling cross because we had to leave the park.” Create a calm corner – A cosy space with books, cuddly toys, or sensory items. Model calm – Your calm is contagious. Breathe through the storm together. Let’s raise children who can feel their feelings—not fear them. Let’s use tech intentionally—not as a crutch. Pause to Ponder and if you need a hand I’m here to help. 1. The Science of Screen Exposure The first five years of life are a time of incredible brain development. During this window, children’s brains are building the neural foundations for empathy, language, attention, and emotional regulation. And the best way to support that growth? Through real-world, multi-sensory interactions—not screens. When children engage with people, nature, and open-ended play, they experience the kind of stimulation that strengthens brain architecture. But when screens dominate the early years: These aren’t just minor hiccups—they’re foundational to a child’s lifelong wellbeing. 2. Tech in the Nursery: Helpful or Harmful? Screens are becoming more common in early years settings—sometimes used for entertainment, sometimes for managing behaviour, and often marketed as “educational.” But most so-called educational apps are built for profit, not child development. They often offer flashy animations and reward-based systems that interrupt deeper thinking and learning. More importantly, screen time can displace the very things young children need most: When screens are overused, they crowd out the simple joys of childhood—the games, the giggles, the mess, the magic. 3. Early Attachment in a Digital Age Let’s talk about technoference—that moment when a parent looks down at their phone during play, or scrolls through messages while feeding their baby. It may seem small, but for a child, these interruptions can chip away at their sense of being seen, heard, and valued. Young children don’t just need to be cared for; they need to feel emotionally connected. Screens can’t offer that connection—only human presence can. Secure attachment forms through micro-moments: eye contact, soothing words, shared laughter. These are the interactions that teach a child, “You matter. You’re safe. You are loved.” 4. Reclaiming Childhood Childhood isn’t a race. It’s not a performance. It’s a sacred time of wonder, curiosity, and discovery. Reclaiming it in the digital age means having the courage to say: It’s not about banning technology but about making intentional choices. Let’s model presence. Let’s protect time for play, connection, and creativity. Let’s remember that the best “app” for a young child is a present adult. A Final Thought Our children are growing up in a digital world, and that isn’t going to change. But the way we introduce and balance technology can change. Let’s start early. Let’s be thoughtful. Let’s reclaim childhood—not just for our kids, but for ourselves too. Need a little extra support?Download my ‘Navigating the Digital Jungle. A Parents’ Guide to Manage Toddlers and Tech with Scripts to feel more confident, connected, and calm—one moment at a time. Let’s start a conversation.How are you managing tantrums and tech at home or in your setting?
