We all have the need to be noticed, to feel that we count & are significant and this need to fit in and belong are a part of the “Crucial C’s”
When referring to the “Crucial C’s” in the context of Alfred Dreikurs, an influential Adlerian psychologist, they often represent key principles central to his approach to child development and parenting. Dreikurs expanded on Adler’s theories, emphasising four essential “C’s” that are fundamental for fostering positive behaviour and encouraging a sense of belonging in children.
The principles of Connect, Capable, Count, and Courage introduced & developed by Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew I think offer a valuable framework for understanding and navigating the challenges of the TikTok generation.
Here’s how these concepts resonate with the issues facing today’s youth:
Connect:
In the age of TikTok and social media, building authentic connections is more crucial than ever. With online interactions often overshadowing face-to-face relationships, it’s essential to foster real emotional connections. Kids may feel the pressure to fit in or be validated by social media metrics, but true connection with family, friends, and mentors can help them navigate the challenges of digital life and reduce feelings of isolation or comparison.
Capable:
In a world where instant feedback comes in the form of likes and comments, it’s easy for young people to tie their self-worth to external validation. The principle of being Capable encourages children to believe in their own abilities and internalise their worth beyond the digital feedback loop. This concept helps counteract the effects of online comparison and can build resilience against the superficial nature of social media validation.
Count:
Children and teens on TikTok often seek to feel seen and valued, sometimes to an extreme. The idea of Count emphasises the importance of helping kids feel they matter for who they are, not just for their online persona or the number of followers they have. This principle can combat the pressures of constant performance and highlight the inherent value of a person beyond their digital presence.
Courage:
TikTok thrives on trends and challenges, many of which require boldness and risk-taking. However, true Courage in the digital age isn’t just about participating in viral trends—it’s about having the courage to be authentic and not succumb to peer pressure or online negativity. Encouraging kids to take courageous steps that align with their values can help them navigate the often overwhelming social dynamics of social media platforms like TikTok.
These principles, rooted in Adlerian psychology, offer a powerful way to help kids grow into confident, capable, and emotionally resilient individuals in a world increasingly defined by digital interaction and social media influence. By promoting authentic connections and internal validation, parents can guide their children to thrive both online and offline.
The desire to be noticed on TikTok reflects a broader human need for connection, validation, and self-expression. TikTok’s design amplifies this by providing a platform where users can share content, engage with trends, and potentially reach massive audiences. This creates a powerful incentive for users to seek attention, sometimes at any cost.
Why TikTok Encourages the Need for Recognition:
Algorithm-Driven Visibility: TikTok’s “For You” page algorithm prioritises content based on engagement rather than follower count. This gives anyone the chance to go viral, fostering a sense of hope and urgency to create content that garners attention.
Instant Gratification:
Likes, comments, and shares provide immediate feedback, activating the brain’s reward system. This feedback loop encourages users to post more often and seek greater validation.
Cultural Trends and FOMO:
The platform thrives on viral challenges, dances, and memes. Missing out on participating can trigger a fear of being left behind socially or culturally.
Psychological Impact of the Attention Generation:
Validation through Metrics:
For many, likes and views become a measure of self-worth. This can lead to a dependency on external validation and a fragile sense of self-esteem.
Pressure to Perform:
Users often feel compelled to post increasingly extreme or controversial content to stand out in a crowded digital space.
Mental Health Risks: The pursuit of visibility can lead to burnout, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy when engagement does not meet expectations.
What Parents and Educators Can Do:
Teach Media Literacy:
Help kids understand how social media platforms are designed to maximise engagement, not necessarily well-being.
Encourage Authenticity:
Reinforce the value of genuine self-expression over chasing trends or seeking validation.
Set Boundaries:
Implement limits on app usage to prevent overexposure and create space for offline activities that build confidence.The need for attention on TikTok is a double-edged sword—it offers opportunities for creativity and connection but also demands careful navigation to avoid its more harmful effects.
I hope you’ve found the concepts of Connect, Capable, Count, and Courage a valuable framework for understanding and supporting the mental and emotional well-being of your children, particularly in the context of the TikTok generation.
With social media playing such a pivotal role in shaping self-esteem and social dynamics, these principles help guide parents and educators in fostering authentic connections, promoting internal confidence, and encouraging resilience.
By emphasising the importance of real relationships and self-worth beyond digital validation, we can empower our children and young people to thrive both in the virtual world and in real life.
It’s crucial for you as parents to actively engage with your children, reinforcing these values as a counterbalance to the pressures of online platforms like TikTok, helping them navigate the digital landscape with a strong sense of self and purpose.
Have a chat with your kids and tell them often about how amazing they are – they then may not feel the need to get attention, significance or a sense of belonging from posting or scrolling on TikTok