From Toddlers to Teens: How to Say No to Smartphones with Confidence

Saying “NO” to your kids with confidence ! Saying “No” to your kids is such a simple word but so many parents find it difficult to incorporate it into their discipline strategies – it’s about feeling confident in your own ability as a parent so then the ability to say “no” becomes a powerful behaviour shaping tool in your parenting toolkit! Parents often find it hard to say “No” to their kids and there are many reasons for this. One of the reasons is shortage of time. We all seem to be in such a hurry these days. It’s so much easier to give in and buy whatever it is your child wants, rather than to spend time explaining why you won’t buy it or spend time dealing with their sulks when they don’t get it. But is that the message you want your child to grow up expecting? Another reason is being afraid of causing a scene. I know it’s easier, to wander around the supermarket with a happy and quiet child who is tucking into their sweets or crisps, rather than dragging a screaming child round while you attempt to do your shopping! But personally I think you can make looking for Postman Pat spaghetti hoops quite exciting, and getting your child involved in helping you look for the butter or helping you to weigh the grapes can be good practical experience and fun! It’s how you approach it. Try making the whole experience a game and see how creative you can be – get your child to join in not whine – get them engaged. Another reason is all the resources available to us nowadays .When your child asks for a treat you may think “Well it’s only 80p so it won’t break the bank” and I know we do seem to have more disposable cash splashing about today than perhaps when we were growing up, and many parents don’t think twice about spending it all on their children, but is that a good message to be sending out to your children? You can have anything you want? My job is not to judge what you do but to get you be clear about what you want and how you want to bring up your children. Perhaps the approach of giving in to everything is easier in the short term but is it easier in the long term? Is it creating a child who will have totally unrealistic expectations of you and the world – and will they will expect to get everything they want. Is that realistic or desirable? Is it creating a Paris Hilton? You can be sure that their requests will get bigger and more expensive as they become aware of all the goodies out there. It’s sweets today, Nike trainers and Gucci purses next!! Tell me about it …. I’ve had a 15 year old daughter!!!! While you may enjoy indulging your child’s wishes, the world just isn’t like that and your child may be in for a rude awakening when they encounter the many situations in the real world where they actually can’t have what they want. I think it helps if you think of it as your job to preparing them for life with its ups and downs and disappointments. I just wonder if another message you are sending out is that “It really doesn’t matter how you treat your things – you can always get more” Children who constantly get new toys and treats too easily learn not to value their things, because they know that they will always be replaced. They lose their sense of awe and wonder for new things if they are continually showered with gifts. It all comes too easily. So their expectations become inflated and they have no sense of gratitude or value for any of the gifts or treats they receive. I remember my own Mum getting cross with my kids at Christmas a few years ago, as they were so overwhelmed by the amount of presents they received from both sets of Grandparents that they became nonchalant and blasé and she felt they didn’t appreciate what they had and just ripped the paper off, moving too quickly onto the next present. Perhaps the message your child receives is “I can’t give you much time but I can give you lots of ‘things” If this is the message your child is receiving don’t be surprised if they don’t place any value on these things or show any gratitude at getting all this stuff. ‘Things’ just cannot replace your time. If children do not get the attention and input from you, among other things, they do not develop a sense of their worth. They may feel they are not worth spending time with. So you might be showering your child with gifts, but actually their self esteem might be diminishing as their stack of toys and “stuff” piles up. Now there’s a thought!!! Let’s look at treats and the message we sometimes send out with those…. “If you get upset, don’t worry we’ll get you a little treat” The child who always receives a treat when they start to cry and shout or get hurt is learning a dangerous lesson. Other children and the outside world will not be as generous as you. So just ask yourself…. How will my child cope as an adult in a world where they most definitely won’t always get their way? It’s all a balance between “yes” and “no,” and it takes practise if you are new to saying “No” and taking a harder line. So start practising saying “no” to requests for things like sweets, toys and treats from time to time so you keep them for special occasions when your child will value them much more. Initially it may be difficult as your toddler or teen may have trouble believing that you really mean” no,” because in the past this wasn’t the case. They will probably throw
Digital Seatbelts: Safeguarding Families in the Age of Technology
Digital Seatbelts: Safeguarding Families in the Age of Technology In the early days of cars, seatbelts weren’t even a standard feature. It wasn’t until the dangers of high-speed collisions became evident that seatbelts became mandatory, revolutionising road safety. Today, in a similarly fast-paced digital world, we need “digital seatbelts” to protect our children from the risks of unrestrained access to technology. As a society, we’ve quickly embraced the convenience and connectivity of smartphones, tablets, and computers. Yet, just like the car of yesteryear, these powerful tools come with hazards—particularly for young minds still learning to navigate life’s winding roads. Digital seatbelts are the rules, tools, and habits that help guide children safely through the vast, sometimes perilous, digital landscape. Why Do We Need Digital Seatbelts? Technology has revolutionised learning, communication, and entertainment, offering endless opportunities for young people. However, it also presents risks like exposure to inappropriate content, cyberbullying, addiction, and the erosion of real-world connections. Without clear boundaries, children may feel overwhelmed or lost, unable to differentiate between safe and harmful digital behaviour. For parents, the challenge is not to avoid technology but to establish safeguards that mirror the protective nature of seatbelts—limiting exposure to risk while allowing freedom to explore. These digital seatbelts help create a balanced relationship with technology that fosters healthy development. Former teacher Josh MacAlister will introduce a Private Member’s Bill in Parliament this week on tackling addictive phone use by young people. The equivalent of “seatbelt” legislation is needed for children and their social media use to help them manage addictive content he suggested. Here’s why I support ‘digital seatbelt’ legislation for children, tweens, teens and toddlers! Key Components of Digital Seatbelts Parental Controls: Tailoring the Experience Just as seatbelts can be adjusted for comfort and size, parental controls on devices ensure that children are only exposed to age-appropriate content. Whether it’s setting screen time limits, blocking harmful websites, or filtering age-inappropriate apps, parental controls provide the structure that protects children from dangers they may not yet recognise. Open Conversations: Clear Communication A good seatbelt protects but also allows for movement. Similarly, open communication is crucial to creating boundaries that are firm but flexible. When parents talk openly about the online world—its benefits and potential dangers—they build trust and foster critical thinking in their children. Digital seatbelts include regular conversations about online safety, discussing the consequences of certain behaviours like sharing personal information or engaging in risky online challenges. Device-Free Zones: Physical Limits in a Virtual World Just as you wouldn’t drive without a seatbelt, certain parts of family life should remain free from the digital highway. Designating device-free times, such as during family meals, car journeys, or before bedtime, allows children to disconnect and form healthy habits around technology. These zones serve as mental rest stops, where kids can recharge without the constant stimulation of screens. Digital Contracts: Accountability for Actions Just as a seatbelt is a mutual agreement for safety between driver and passenger, digital contracts provide clear expectations for responsible use of technology. Families can create a “Family Technology Contract,” outlining rules like how long children can be online, which apps they can use, and what behaviours are acceptable. When children participate in creating these contracts, they take ownership of their digital habits, fostering a sense of accountability. Understanding Digital Dangers: Navigating Cyber Threats Education is one of the most important seatbelts we can offer children. Teach them about the specific dangers of the digital world—scams, cyberbullying, privacy issues, and the risks of in-game chats. The goal isn’t to scare them but to empower them with the knowledge to spot potential dangers and take protective actions. Building the Habit of Digital Seatbelt Use A seatbelt doesn’t work if you forget to put it on. Similarly, digital safety tools and strategies must become part of everyday family life. Here are ways to make digital seatbelts a habit: Routine Check-ins: Just as parents regularly adjust car seats and seatbelts as children grow, digital guidelines should evolve with age. Frequent check-ins with your child allow you to update safety measures and rules as they mature. Modelling Behaviour: Children learn by example. Parents should model responsible technology use by adhering to the same device-free zones, respecting family technology rules, and showing how to balance online and offline activities. Rewards for Safe Use: Positive reinforcement can make digital seatbelt use appealing. Acknowledging safe, responsible technology use and rewarding behaviours like following family rules or self-regulating screen time encourages children to practice these habits independently. The Future of Digital Seatbelts As technology continues to evolve, so too must our digital seatbelts. The future may see more sophisticated tools, such as AI-driven parental controls that adjust based on a child’s behaviour or tools that give real-time feedback on digital well-being. Yet the core idea will remain the same—digital seatbelts will continue to act as guides, helping children steer clear of harm while enjoying the many benefits of the digital world. Just as we wouldn’t dream of letting our children ride in a car without a seatbelt, we must be just as vigilant in ensuring their safety in the digital space. By putting digital seatbelts in place, we give our children the freedom to explore the digital world safely while providing the support and structure they need to thrive. In today’s digital world, setting clear boundaries around technology use can be a challenge for any family. That’s why I’ve created the Family Technology Contracts—a simple, effective way to establish healthy digital habits and build trust between parents and children. These contracts empower families to openly discuss screen time, online safety, and device usage; while making sure everyone is on the same page when it comes to tech expectations. What Are Family Technology Contracts? Family Technology Contracts are customisable agreements that help families set clear, mutual expectations around how technology is used at home. Covering everything from daily screen time limits to safe online behaviours, these contracts provide a structured way to talk about tech in your household. By creating a contract together, parents and children